Phone Calls in the Dark
by A-blackwinged-bird
Summary: The boys get goofy!drunk...


A/N: Just a bit of fluff, born from my want to see the boys goofy!drunk.

* * *

Starsky handed his partner another bottle of beer before sinking into the couch. After a long day of fruitless interrogations and miles of aimless driving, the two detectives sat side by side on the worn couch in Starsky's apartment, each with a cold, sweaty bottle of beer in their hands.

"Think of what you wanna do yet?" Starsky asked, leaning back and settling his feet on the coffee table. The numerous empty bottles that were scattered on the surface jingled with the impact.

Hutch sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I just wanna stay in tonight. Isn't there a game coming on?"

Starsky tipped his head back and drained a portion of the bottle. "I dunno."

Hutch sank down in the cushions and with two thumps, plopped his feet next to Starsky's on the table.

"Getch your feet off my table," Starsky ordered, otherwise making no move.

If Hutch heard him, he chose to ignore him. "Don't you have a TV Guide or somethin'?"

"Nope."

The detectives stared at their feet.

Hutch took a drink, and Starsky mimicked the action. Simultaneously, they drained the bottles then leaned forward to add them to the growing collection on the coffee table.

Hutch teetered and tilted to the side, then shot out a hand to catch himself.

"You okay?"

"Fine. Perfect."

"You're drunk."

"So are you."

Starsky grinned. "So?"

Hutch held out his hand and studied it.

"Hey," Starsky said, sitting up a little straighter. "'Member that voice changer box thingy I got when Star Wars came out?"

Hutch lowered his hand and stared wide-eyed at Starsky. "Yeah?"

Starsky laughed. "I got it."

"Got what?"

"The voice changer thing."

"Well go get it," Hutch replied, motioning with his hand towards the kitchen. "What are we gonna do with it?"

Starsky rose to his feet and launched himself towards the bedroom before the room finished spinning. "Let's make prank calls."

"That's for kids," Hutch said, still looking at the space beside him.

Starsky grabbed the device and vaulted into the kitchen, grabbing the last two beers from the fridge before returning to the couch. He plopped down heavily, causing Hutch to bob in a domino effect. "So what?" he asked, handing Hutch one of the bottles. "It's not like they'll find out who we are."

Hutch grabbed the bottle on the second try. "You better turn out the lights," he whispered before uncapping the bottle.

"Why?"

"So they can't see us."

"Oh. Good idea." Starsky pushed himself to his feet once more and stumbled towards the wall, smacked the light switch downwards, then returned to the couch. The room was bathed in darkness before slowly, the moonlight from the windows illuminated the furnishings in the apartment. Starsky blinked rapidly and waited until things adjusted before reaching to the side and snatching the phone off the end table. "Who we gonna call?"

"Dobey," Hutch replied instantly.

Starsky caught the reflection of Hutch's eyes and nodded. "Lemme test this first," he said, bringing the device close to his face as he searched for the 'on' button.

"I wanna dial," Hutch whined, grabbing the phone off Starsky's lap and stretching the cord taught.

"Fine, you can dial. Here it is." Starsky grinned and held up the voice changer. "Do I sound like Darth Vader?" he asked in a deep, metallic voice.

Hutch laughed. "That's cool!" He took another swallow of beer before setting the bottle on the table. It balanced precariously on the edge. "What are you gonna say to him?" he asked as he picked up the handset.

"I am your father…"

Hutch snorted in laughter. "I bet you'll start laughing."

Starsky watched as Hutch slowly dialed the numbers. "I won't if you won't."

"I'll try."

"No! Seriously, you gotta leave or I'll mess it up!"

Hutch had his ear pressed to the phone and blinked. "It's ringing."

"Well give it to me!" Starsky exclaimed, snatching the handset from his partner. The phone rang once… twice…

"Hello?"

Starsky held the voice changer up between his mouth and the phone and turned away from Hutch. "Hello?"

"Hello?" he echoed.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

"Who is this?"

"Yeah, uh… this is Satan," Starsky started, his mind going completely blank.

Hutch was wiggling.

"Who?"

"Satan," Starsky repeated in Darth Vader's voice. "Look, do you know of any criminals that might be ready to kick off? I'm running behind on this month's quota-"

Hutch made a choking noise and fell to the floor.

"What?" Dobey asked, his voice becoming firm. "Who is this?"

"I told you, this is Satan. I need some souls, can I come down there and see what you've got?"

"This is Satan," Dobey repeated, not sounding amused. "You sound like Darth Vader."

Starsky held down a laugh. "Yeah, I get that a lot."

Hutch was curled up on the floor at his feet, convulsing in silent laughter.

"Look, this line is for official police business-"

"Well just tell me how many you got. I need them by midnight."

"Midnight?"

"Yeah, I got a deadline. So can I come down?"

"Yeah," Dobey said, suddenly sounding very sly. "Why don't you come on down here and I'll have your souls waiting for you."

Starsky twitched. What would it take to get Dobey to hang up? "Great. I need 36."

"36!"

Hutch was biting one fist and pounding the floor with the other.

Again, Starsky swallowed the giggles that rose in his throat. "Is that gonna be a problem?"

Dobey seemed to regain his composure. "Oh no, of course not. You just come on down."

"By midnight."

"By midnight."

"Great. Well, see you then," Starsky trailed off. "Oh," he added, "And can you have some food ready? Like, fry up some eggs or something?"

Hutch was outright giggling now. Starsky grinned reflexively, trying desperately to hold on to his composure in the darkened room.

"Eggs?" Dobey repeated. "No, I can't have any eggs. Listen punk, if I ever find out who this is, your tail is going in lockup, you hear me?"

Starsky erupted. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes and his chest hurt from trying to contain his laughter for so long. He lost his grip on the voice changer and suddenly remembered to hang up the phone.

"St-"

Click

Starsky joined his partner on the floor, laughing too hysterically to be bothered by the motion of the room around them. They would pay for this tomorrow, when they had to confront an angry captain while nursing a couple of headaches from hell, but tonight, as they lay on their backs on the floor of Starsky's dark apartment, everything seemed worth it.

End


End file.
